


What Is And Always Has Been

by liquid_dreams



Category: Naruto
Genre: Awkwardness, Cousin Incest, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Present Tense, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 16:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17852714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liquid_dreams/pseuds/liquid_dreams
Summary: He falls in love the moment he lays eyes on the little girl peeking out from behind her father's legs.





	What Is And Always Has Been

He falls in love the moment he lays eyes on the little girl peeking out from behind her father's legs. Once their lavender eyes meet a shy smile grows on her face and she blushes. Neji blushes, too, both because he's excited to meet the Clan heiress and she's so _pretty_. 

He's in love with her and that is his greatest tragedy, because he can't have her. "Too close," his mother says shortly the one time he asks. If their fathers were cousins instead of twin brothers, maybe. Not like this. 

He's only branch house. Nobody ever says that, "only", because he's strong. Stronger than Hinata and not just because he's older and bigger. When they put that seal on him, sealing his future, he understands. And he starts to resent her by incriments. Hinata, whose life cannot be ended by a series of hand signs. When he calls her "Hinata-sama" the honorfic leaves a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. 

After his father's death Neji feels himself slipping into darkness. Seeing Hinata- _sama_ makes his blood boil, lips curl with disgust. She's a stuttering idiot; a weakling. It's a joke that she's supposed to be the next clan head. Most outsiders don't understand clan politics. Neji considers it a blessing, because it would be so much worse if they got the joke, too. So he glares daggers and bile at the back of her head whenever he's stuck with guard duty. 

He hates sparring with her. She's slow and her strikes lack power. Sometimes she even fumbles something so ridiculously basic as kata. Neji never holds back, jabs at openings and feels some sort of vicious, bitter satisfaction wheneve she bleeds or bruises. Hinata's soft, pale eyes look up at him with hurt and disappointment aimed at herself. Never at anybody but herself.

"You should spend less time digging through dirt and more training," he tells her coldly and turns away. 

"Neji-niisan.." She murmurs sadly. 

He grits his teeth and hates, hates, hates everything and everyone and himself. 

He almost kills her in the Chunin exam. It takes four people to stop him, when the bile and hatred finally break free and pour out of him like a destructive torrent. It's all Hinata's fault. Why did she have to go and show some backbone now, after years of quietly taking his resentment? She let him build up all this rage and now she paid the price. It's not satisfying to watch her get carried off by the med nin. He mentally replays her words over and over until it hurts. He sticks by what he said. She's too kind to be a ninja. 

The thing is, Neji convinced himself that his fate was sealed on his forehead. He believed that change was impossible regardless of what he wanted out of life. Until Hinata changed and proved him wrong. It's funny how everything always ties back to her, for him. It's funny, but laughing is the furthest thing from his mind. He hospitalized her. Hiashi hasn't asked to speak to him yet. There is a good chance he'll be killed for this trespass, so he waits. 

What he gets instead is an apology and a letter. It's absurd, so absurd to hold proof in his own two hands that his father choose death. He choose, because it was the first time he could choose and he loved his family more than anything. Neji – doesn't cry. Not until Hiashi is gone, looking older and sadder than ever before. 

It eats at him. The guilt. Until he finally caves and visits her in the hospital. Her room is bright and filled with the scent of flowers from the bouquets brought by well-wishers. Hinata looks small in the bed, smaller than he remembers. There are several tubes connected to her. When he comes in she blinks slowly, eyes dazed and unfocused. Neji hates, hates, hates himself. Hesitates to come closer until her eyes widen a little and her mouth moves around the white plastic tube in her throat. Her heartrate goes up, too, according to the beeping monitor. He crosses his arms and leans in the doorframe. 

"..ji.."

"Don't strain yourself," he says calmly. "You need to recover."

She's staring insistently at him until he sighs and comes a little closer. She's so pale, he thinks uneasily. I almost.. Almost. He stands by her bed and looks down at her. Hinata struggles to meet his gaze for long due to the sedatives. Those two words weigh his tongue down. Neji has his pride, though. 

"Do you believe in fate?" He asks plaintatively. 

Hinata blinks slowly, looks vaguely uneasy. She can't answer him like this. Probably doesn't want to either for fear of making him angry. Neji can still tell that she doesn't, not like he does. Did? It's too early to consider. It saddens him that he's part of the reason why she's afraid to speak her mind. He never wanted her to be afraid of him. He halfway expected for the other shoe to drop, for her to overcome her shyness through constant struggle, but Hinata is kind. He reaches out and lets his fingers slide into her bangs, resting his palm on her forehead. The machine is still beeping at an elevated pace. 

"I wonder," he murmurs. "What it would look like on you, if you became branch house."

The jagged green line spikes up at his words. Neji eyes the monitor as he removes his hand. A few seconds later and the spike is gone again. He looks down and for some reason there are tears pooling in the corners of her eyes. He swipes them away with his thumb; an intimacy he would never allow himself under normal circumstances. Chances are good she won't even remember his visit later. 

"Rest and recover," he says softly before he leaves. 

 

Small soft hands. He imagined them stroking him instead of his own. Inside the Hyuga compound it was considered highly impolite the use the Byakugan. Rationally there was no reason to feel ashamed, but he did anyway. Hopefully this phase of waking up hard and aching in the middle of the night would pass soon. His body demanded an outlet, at least in the privacy of his own bedroom. Neji prided himself of his self-discipline and -control, usually. Small soft hands, a warm body besides him, a whispered "Neji-niisan." His breath came fast and ragged, his face was stubbornly turned to the side and his eyes closed. Want pulsed through his entire body, crawling up his throat. Wanted, wanted, wanted so badly. He grit his teeth on a name he couldn't say and swallowed it down. 

 

Hinata is improving slowly but steadily. He can tell whenever they spar. He doesn't hesitate to explore openings when he sees them, but he pulls his punches. Oddly enough it seems to make her mad. An angry Hinata is truly a sight to behold. She makes him work to keep the upper hand. Neji can't help but smirk a little, which only makes her angrier. Deep down he feels proud of her progress. Especially since now even Hiashi notices her emerging talent. Suddenly she does it again, that fluid elegant twirling move she'd made once in the hallway instead of running into him. His palm strike misses as she spins to the outside of his arm. Her counter is too slow so he manages to spin and block it just in time. 

"Very good," he says with a small smile. "If you'd been faster you would have hit me."

Her brows furrow and her mouth pulls down into a pout. Adorable, he thinks fondly. It distracts him so he sees the counterattack a tad too late. Neji's lavender eyes widen in shock as he falls. Out of an old vengeful reflex he grabs a hold of her arm. His weight is too much to carry for his dainty little cousin so she falls with him. 

"Ah!" She cries and squeezes her eyes shut with dread. 

He won't let her fall. Neji grabs her so she lands on him instead of the hard ground. He's caused her enough pain already... Admittedly, he may have miscalculated a little. Having her on top of him is abruptly worse. His body reacts to the real life reenactment of his nightly fantasies in a predictable manner. Neji feels the blood drain from his face and ceases to move. At all. Can't even look her in the face. 

"N-Neji-niisan," Hinata stammers with surprise. 

"Please get off me," he says with as much dignity as he can muster with an obvious erection straining against his pants. 

Unlike he expects her to she doesn't jump off in horror and run away. It takes a beat before she stands up. Neji pushes off the ground and doesn't even dust himself off before he strides away. Surely Hinata wouldn't say anything to anyone. He's pretty sure an awkward boner won't get him killed. It's still an unacceptable blunder that makes his cheeks flush an angry red while he hurries to finish his business in the bathroom. 

If anything he hopes that she'll forgive him. Hinata is shy and easily embarrassed. In his opinion it only adds to her appeal, but it also means that she might treat him differently now. He doesn't want that. Worse, what if Hiashi notices? So he resigns himself to fantasizing about the object of his affections at night and acting unafffected by her during the day. Strangely enough he feels as if she's watching him. He can't say why. Maybe she expects him to do something, but he won't. He's content to treat her normally. A lot kinder than he used to. Hopes that the smiles he can't help and the touches that linger will be interpreted as them getting along better. What he does notice is that Hinata enjoys it. Her smiles become brighter and she visibly relaxes around him. It's almost like when they were children. Neji can't help it. The right words, whatever they may be, are stuck in his throat whenever Hinata blushes and smiles at him. All he can feel is his pulse thundering in his throat when she leans against his side. 

"Hinata-sama," he says and pauses, unsure how to continue. 

"W-what is it, Neji-niisan?" She asks and looks up at him with a smile.

He's paralyzed as if she'd struck all of his chakra points at once. His entire body heats and it manifests in his cheeks as a blush. Hinata predictably blushes, too. It's so lovely he cannot breathe. 

"N-nothing," he stutters and looks away. 

His entire body tenses when she suddenly leans her head on his shoulder and wraps her arms around his. It's simultaneously the worst and best thing ever. Hanabi passes them by with a curious look. Neji pointedly stares at the training yard and pretends this is all very normal. 

 

Hinata's newfound handsiness where he is concerned is an alarming development. His once shy cousin has no scruples whatsoever. He'd be outraged at the ease with which she stands in his presence now if it wasn't so petrifying. Hiashi approves. If he knew the sinful thoughts he has about his daughter things would certainly look very different. He can't deny the way he craves her, though. Every touch leaves a tingling feeling in its wake. It's teasing, plain and simple. Merciless teasing. More than once he has to excuse himself with a stony expression and hurry to the nearest bathroom. It's embarrassing and mortifying, but he can't help the way his body reacts. Hinata has to know what she's doing to him, she has to. Perhaps, he muses miserably, this is her revenge for years of mistreatment at his hands. If it is, he hopes she gets a kick out of it. Hinata-sama just smiles serenely every time he flees so there's a good chance that she does. 

 

Things get out of hand when she comes to his bedroom. At first he thinks he's hallucinating when he opens the door to find her standing there. Hinata smiles shyly and blushes. Neji blinks, once, twice. 

"Hinata-sama?"

"Can I come in?"

Not a hint of a stutter. That alone should have clued him in. He lets her in without comment and glances up and down the hallway before closing the door. 

"What is it?" He asks. 

Hinata pushes her index fingers together and ducks her head, glancing shyly at him. Neji, warily, crosses his arms.

"U-um, it's just that..," she mumbles and pauses. 

"Is something wrong?"

"Um..." Hinata's smile fades a little and she glances up at him uncertainly. "I-if you.. d-don't.."

The expression on his face doesn't waver as his pulse suddenly kicks into overdrive. 

"Don't what?" He asks in a low voice. 

Hinata ducks her head and her blush intensifies. He's pretty sure he knows what she's asking and he's absolutely torn. As the responsible older one he should tell her no, they can't, it's not right. On the other hand he doesn't give a damn, because he wants her. She's not going to be able to reach out any further, he realizes. He has to meet her halfway. So Neji takes a step towards her, swallows hard and tilts her chin up. 

"This is a bad idea," he states before he kisses her. 

Hinata's eyes widen comically. His heart drops and he panics quietly, praying to all the gods that he didn't horribly misread the situation. But no, he feels her gradually relax into the kiss. It's his first, so he has no clue what he's doing. At least he's pretty sure that Hinata doesn't either. He tilts his head to the side when their noses touch uncomfortably and yes, somehow that makes it much better. Hinata starts to tremble so he pulls back and gives her a worried look. Her face closely resembles a tomato. 

"Hinata-sama?" He mutters. 

"N-N-Neji-n-n-niisan," she stammers. 

Her stutter is much worse than usually and her eyes are very wide and borderline panicked. He swallows hard and sympathizes. 

"I.. I'm sorry, if you-" he breaks off and takes a step back, holding up his hands defensively. "Please don't.."

"N-no, it-it's-!" She says and takes a step towards him. 

They stare at each other. He can't believe he did that. It fills him with embarrassment, pride and a little self-loathing shame. She slowly, nervously approaches him without looking him in the eye. Hinata's become so bold, he thinks fondly. He cups her jaw slowly, giving her plenty of time to pull away. She looks like a trapped deer and blinks up at him. 

"Hinata-sama, I'm going to kiss you again if you don't stop me."

She doesn't. It makes his heart sing. Slowly, carefully they find their rhythm. When she starts to shiver again he simply holds her close. Hinata responds only hesitantly and only after some encouragement. It's like sparring, he thinks nonsensically. Gradually she begins to relax against him and Neji thinks that he can die happy now. 

"N-Neji-niisan," Hinata whispers once they pull apart. 

"You should probably drop the niisan now," he murmurs. "At least when it's just us."

"J-just.. I like th-that. Just u-us," she whispers and looks down. 

His heart thumps painfully. It's filled to the brim with love after years of bottling it up. Neji kisses her forehead. 

"I want that, too."

"F-father.."

"I know," he sighs and closes his eyes briefly. "Let's not tell him."

"N-no.."

"At least not yet."

There's plenty of time still to figure things out, to settle into this new aspect of their relationship. One thing is fore sure though, he thinks fiercely as he looks down at the top of her head. He's not going to give her up without a fight.

**Author's Note:**

> 1 kudos = 1 hex placed on Kishimoto for killing Neji (pointlessly)


End file.
